Discovering the kink and fetish community. Is this sexy secret for you?

Courtesy of Pixabay.

Justin watched the woman from a corner across the room. He was turned on by her how the silk rope accented her slender neck and nicely-toned back, he instantly wanted to collar her. Aroused at the short leather skirt, how her soft round cheeks peeked out from under it. His eyes traveled down to the bright red heals and he yearned to see them perched up high. He felt an uncontrollable pull, a yearning from deep within. Okay, wait. I’m gonna stop there!  The following lines make for a sexy read. Right? Now, imagine witnessing this scene in person. Well, I had the pleasure of doing just that. This is a continuation of the blog post… “Sex. The good, the ordinary and the ability to overcome boundaries.”I wanted to share my introduction to the fetish community. It was an intriguing learning experience. 

Dare to peek behind the velvet curtain.

My longtime friend Rachael is very familiar with the fetish lifestyle and attends events regularly. She frequents events that are similar to going to a nightclub and those that are more upscale invite only type. I was lucky, my first event was by invite, I was her plus one.  This fetish event required you to dress sexy. You could wear fetish attire or merely dress up. This gave me an excuse to break out the red corset tutu that I usually wear under my retro style dresses. The back in the day fishnet hose and of course stilettos heels. To see Rachael in a liquid leather skin-tight jumper was very surprising. This was definitely a side I knew about but never witnessed with my own eyes. We had our sexy on and was ready to go. 

Kinks and Fetishes in Crimson and Gold.

The parking lot was almost full. At the door, there were two well-dressed gentlemen checking invitations and names on a list. When we entered, it was not at all what I expected. It was raining crimson and gold. The tastefully decorated tables, chairs, perfectly-placed platforms or mini stages and lighting were impressive. You could tell there was thought put into planning the event. Nicely dressed men and women. Men in business suits, jeans button-down shirts, and jacket, a few were in what was explained to be dom-like all black with a flogger hanging from their side. I never saw so many school girl, leather and lace seductively dressed women in one place. Those who wanted to remain anonymous wore masks. Everyone in attendance wanted to get a taste of their particular kink or fetish. This place was a romance writers dream. I bought a drink and found a semi-lit corner where I can view most of what was going on and let my voyeuristic side take over. 

Sadomasochism is on display. 

There was a platform performance or act that piqued my interest and inspired the opening scene of this post. The woman was bent over on a contraption called a spanking bench while this guy wielding what looked like a fraternity paddle smacked her bottom until it matched the color of our surroundings. Rachael explained it as a form of sadomasochism. I guess she read the concerned look on my face because she abruptly informed me that what I was witnessing is the lower level act. It can get much more sadistic. She directed my attention to a guy standing against a wall. The intensity in his face made you want to know what he was thinking. Needless to say, paddling was a fetish he enjoyed. 

Bondage or rope play. 

Believe it or not, some people enjoy the act of being tied up. Rachel made sure I was front and center for this act. The girl was laid out on the stage as the gentleman used silk rope to basically hog tie her. This was not the type you would witness from a Cowboy at a state fair. He took great care in his work. Slowly and methodically he started above her breast and laced the rope down wrapping it around her several times. He crisscrossed it in front of her stomach, wrapped several times around her waist and strategically around her butt, between her legs then wrapped her legs all the way down to her ankles. The act was well rehearsed. Oh, but it did not stop there! A hook was attached to the rope at her lower back, and she was carefully hoisted into the air. As she hung there, he would slowly turn her and flog her with a riding crop. This act does not necessarily fall under the sadomasochism, but it is one of five forms of BDSM.  What impressed me more than the actual performance was watching him communicate with her. I could tell he was making sure she was comfortable. 

 Myths and misconceptions removed. 

 That night was an eye awakening experience. I can honestly say that every myth and misconception that invaded my brain was removed. First hand, I was able to infiltrate the world of kink and fetish. What another person likes sexually may not be what the next person may want. There is nothing wrong with that, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. As I said before, sex is mostly psychological, and if you are with a person of like mind, then I say go for it. There are so many reasons why people live out their unconventional desires. Who are we to judge? Do your research find an event in your area. Visit websites and chat with people who have been in the lifestyle for a while. Don’t be afraid to reach out to them. Would you like to read more about this subject? Leave me a question in the comments or send me a private message. 

Is dating over for women over 40 or are we the elite of all single women?

Over the past few years, it has come to my attention that there has been an increase of single 40 and over women. Yes, I am included in that number. We are not in a relationship due to divorce, separation, our career has required all of our attention or the inability to find the right mate. Some women seem to think now that in their40’s dating life is over. Personally, I have experienced the opposite.  Men seek out younger women, they say. I don’t see that as entirely accurate. In my case, I find that young and much older men are more attracted to me than men in my age range. Although, you must choose wisely!

Older men prefer younger women?

It’s not always about youth when it comes to older men and dating. As a woman over forty in the dating arena, I get asked out quite a bit on my dating site and in public by older men. I find that older men are attracted to me because of my young spirit. They seek women who will make them feel youthful. I admit that I do tend to discriminate a bit when it comes to going out with men 50 and over. Can he keep up?  That’s the question in my mind. I am an active and open-minded woman. I prefer a rock concert to go to dinner. An adventurous hike is more my style than walking in a park. Hell, let’s jump out of plain versus going on a hot air balloon ride. I am open about my interests and hobbies. These are not interests that I want to scratch off my bucket list. These are regular hobbies! Movie night is great but to keep my attention you have to be active. The older men who I come in contact with are of like mind and find that quality intriguing. I have met some that would give me a run for my money when it comes to activity level. One woman said… Older men are not as attractive as men my age and younger.  Where are you looking? I have met on and offline some older men who are gorgeous. I mean drool worthy! We also have to keep in mind that men are visual creatures. What does your appearance say to them? We have to take these factors into consideration. We don’t have tobe CoverGirl ready, fashionistas with perfect bodies. Although, we do wanna take care of ourselves and mix it up sometimes. My dating profile will show me all dolled up for a night on the town and what I look like on a typical football Sunday. I have even Skype or Face-timed with someone I’m dating at two in the morning when I think I look like death warmed over. “This is what you will get if we were to get serious!” I like to be as transparent as possible. My advice… Don’t turn your back on the older guys ladies!

Are you a Cougar? 

No. I am not a “Cougar!”Why is that a woman who dates a younger man has to wear that title? When the roles are reversed the man gets an “atta- boy” and a pat on the back? This stigma causes older women to turn down great guys just because of their age. Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with dating a younger guy I have, and I will continue. Younger guys are more interested in me than guys my age and older. It can be for long-term, for friends, or for sex. I figure that out in the conversation. I also have a target age of 35. I don’t date guys under 35. I will be 42 in January. There, I told you. Now you know my age! Other factors determine where the relationship goes. Look, ladies! Younger men tend to want us more because…

  1. We have our shit together.
  2. The need to impress is long gone. 
  3. No pressure of marriage or to start a family. 
  4. We have more of an idea of what a man likes and what he needs. Wink! Wink! 

There are pros and cons of dating a younger man. Figure out what you want out of that type of relationship. Don’t be in a hurry! Take it nice and slow! 

Remember this! As women, we naturally have the upper hand. Those of us who are 40 and over and realize we have the upper hand have now tapped into a new sense of power. Now, all we have to do is learn how to use this power in the dating world to our advantage. We are at the prime of our lives, and we are the elite of the female species. So, own it! Most of all… have fun doing it!   

Growth Game… 100 and Strong!

OMG, I don’t know who you are anymore! That was what my roommate said after I hung up on her for asking me to do her a favor. This was not a simple and quick request. The favor would take hours on my only off day when I clearly told her that morning it was an ME day. Hair, nails, a little r&r, etc. Oh, so you don’t know me anymore?


She like most people are familiar with the conservative yet opinionated Lydia. The gal who kept things ‘PC’ and as ‘PG’ as possible. Ms. “Sure I can handle that.” Sure, why wouldn’t I do that favor for you? What I want to do can wait! I Live, Love and Shared in a warm and fuzzy way, even when deep down inside it didn’t make ‘me‘ feel warm and fuzzy. Don’t get me wrong the old me was not all bad. I had loyal friends and associates, great clients, some devout readers, and a nice social media tribe. But like most things in life… It’s been a long time coming and a change has come!


Allow me to reintroduce myself!!!


Who I am today is not who I was a year ago! So, reintroductions are in order!  I refuse to be stagnant in life nor do I wish to be a creature of habit. I introduce you to a woman focused on growth. Mentally, spiritually, emotionally and financially. I am humble but proud, complicated and complex without apology. My loyalty remains unwavering. The only difference is now, I expect the same. My stubborn and blunt words can sometimes be hard to handle. The bushes I once would beat around have all been diminished to dust. The woman who piled as much as possible on her plate and made it a point to consume it all now knows when to say …WHEN! I learned how to stand again after conditioning myself to stay bent over.


Please… Accept My Apology!!!


There are family members, friends, and associates who I let down and threw aside. Overly anxious to eagerly help those who were undeserving of my kindness and loyalty. I chose to starve… waiting to eat from a tree that I was promised would bear fruit. Even when I was surrounded by a bountiful harvest. Yet, I had the nerve to ask the gods why I remain hungry. Blindness and lack of wisdom on my part! So, I seek their forgiveness for the mistakes I have made and hope they have mercy due to my courage to admit them.


I happily introduce you to…


The version of myself that I kept incarcerated for so many years. She… who will say what is truly on her mind and not apologize for being me and living in “My Truth”.  The woman who knows she is entitled to voice her opinion. I’m bold and it’s ok! I can color outside the lines of society if I choose. A piece of advice! You should not throw stones if you live in a glass house! So, judge me if you must! I will do as I will if it brings harm to none! I take the ability to live life without interference! Even if that means tattooing myself to my heart’s content, stretching ears, piercings my body until there is nowhere else to make another hole. Not wanting to correct my beautifully crooked smile and accepting my hourglass shape. embracing the fact that I love my locs and whatever color I choose to dye them this month. My witchy ways are mine and I live by the rede. Daring not to walk in unison with everyone else does not make me less of a professional or any less of a person. It makes me unique and special! Watch me rejoice in finally being able to stand up and tell you… NO! Regardless of what you say and how it makes you feel because my feelings matter more. I laugh!!! I had to learn this the hard way my friends but the difference between me and some is the fact that I learned it! Yaaay Me!!! When was the last time you took inventory of your life? Are you who you want to be? If you could change anything about yourself what would it be?


Overcoming the Obstacles of Writing

Hello Fellow bloggers!!! Check out my post on my favorite #literary #blog Two Drops of Ink.

Two Drops of Ink: A Literary Blog

By: Lydia Oyetunji

To me, obstacles in life build character. You have to be able to overcome adversity in order to succeed and appreciate the simple things life has to offer… that’s where most of my inspiration for writing and singing comes from.

Elliott Yamin

As a writer are you apprehensive about venturing into a public forum? I often wondered how my work would be received by other writers, especially those with more experience. Maybe your desire to write is present, but life gets in the way. My fellow wordsmiths, let me assure you that many writers share these obstacles and more. Allow me to encourage you to overcome those barriers so that you may flourish in your passion for writing. I wrote for myself, content for clients, and for my personal blog, but I began to blossom more as a writer when I started writing for Two Drops of…

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An Eventful New Year

Hello, fellow bloggers! Hope the new year is treating you exceptionally well. For me, it is quite eventful. As some of you may have noticed, I’m in the process of re-branding my virtual assistant business. This process has been time-consuming but fun I must say. Most entrepreneurs would see it as stressful and a little painstaking. I look at it as an opportunity to build upon the foundation I have started and further my growth.


My decision to make modifications was influenced by client comments. When you work in close collaboration with people, they can give you insight into your business. If you’re open to it! In my case, their subtle suggestions made sense, so now I’m running with it. So as this month moves along, you will see my new business name The Militant Virtual Assistant. I’m excited about the change.

A Total Do Over!!!

Love is funny!!! As a young girl, I wanted to own a business, be married to my best friend minus the children. During my time in the military, I was going to be a lifer and married to a lifer as well. Children never fit into life’s equation for me. One of the reasons for the end of my first marriage was because he wanted a child. That was the minor issue, but the rest is a story to be told later. In the past, when I dated which was not often I stayed away from men with young children. Well, when Jim and I met I decided to try something different. In the beginning, it was okay, but things changed. His son started to have behavioral issues that were leading him down the wrong road. So, to make a long story short, we decided to end our engagement and continue as friends. Single again!!! I thought I would be sad and depressed but what’s weird is I feel like a load has been lifted off my shoulders. I can’t figure out why!!! What is also funny is that everywhere I go online I encounter singles ads and blog websites for 40 and overs. I almost feel like I’m being spied on. LOL!!! I visited a blog, and the blogger wrote as if single at forty is the end of the world. I got a good laugh that day. Life is what you make it! Saturday, I will be forty years young, and I feel as if I’m in my prime. Life has granted me a do over!


This year so far has kept me smiling and laughing. Definitely, good writing material as well. I hope life has been full of laughs and smiles for you as well.


Women Entrepreneurs Our Drive for Success🏢

A new post published on my virtual assistant blog.

The Militant Virtual Assistant

I read an article about Barbara Corcoran, a businesswoman who started “The Corcoran Group” from a $1000 loan that is now a $5 billion dollar business. She is a consultant, speaker, investor and now a TV personality on Shark Tank. I learned about Barbara Corcoran 2 years ago and literally adopted her as a perfect model of what I wanted to be as an entrepreneur.

The article “Shark Tank’s Barbara Corcoran: Real Winners Say ‘Hit Me Again’ was a fascinating and enlightening read. The report provides encouragement to other women who are in the pool of entrepreneurship or just starting to get their feet wet. To learn about the obstacles that she encountered along the way is an encouragement to all women. Barbara Corcoran has a degree in education and also waited tables at one time in her life. She is now a business mogul.


As women, we tend to…

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Writers: The Biographers of History

Hey Ladies and Gents, here is another great reason to subscribe to Two Drops of Ink.

Two Drops of Ink: A Literary Blog

“To be ignorant of what occurred before you were born is to remain always a child. For what is the worth of human life, unless it is woven into the life of our ancestors by the records of history?”

― Marcus Tullius Cicero

I have always been a lover of history, so much so that I often wondered about those who recorded the events. Who were they? How did the events they wrote about affect them? What was their ultimate goal as historians? As I take the time to reflect on them and the enormous task they accepted, I wonder who has received the torch to illuminate the future for those to come?

In The Beginning…


The Holy Bible is one of the first sources of recorded history. Would it exist without a writer to pen its contents? Where would we be without it? It is an important part…

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Like a bird.

I just had to reblog this post by Reading her post was like she was looking into my own experiences with love and relationships. “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never have loved at all.” I think I quoted that correctly but you get the picture. Stop by and like her post!!!


How far can one go for loving oneself?
How difficult it is to love thyself?Why do we need approval from someone else?Why is there a need of someone else?

Why do we keep running after someone who would anyway love us less than ourselves?
While you may try to find yourself in others you should know this:

The only heart that will unconditionally beat for you till the very end is yours, the one that would love you even when you don’t love it back the way it deserves, it is going to fulfill each and every expectation you have with Mr./Ms. X’s Heart.

I have not got what i have always wanted in love-relations.My first relation did not work, neither the second, the third, nor the fourth, too much failure in relationships, and i still do not regret rather believe that there is something much larger…

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Risking It

In my opinion ‘risk takers’ have no fear!!! Is it because they step out in faith? Miichelle gives us a little incite into “Risking It”.

Michelle's Mosaic

michelle-yonah-33-of-33Risk.  The exposure to the chance of injury or loss; a dangerous chance. To risk is to jump into the unknown.  To risk is to be unaware of the outcome.  To risk is to measure the cost of an action and to choose it anyway.  Lives are built to take risks.  Getting out of bed is a risk.  Driving a car is a risk.  Exposure to chance of injury or loss is a daily occurrence multiplied times 10,000. There is no need to leave the comfort zone so carefully constructed.  There is no need to leave the house of my own making. Risk will find me there.

tightrope-walkerManaging risk is subconsciously done in awake moments.  Every decision can be narrowed down to risk vs. reward.  Is it worth it?  Is is peril or purpose?  Is it jeopardy or joy?  Consciousness takes a holiday and Unconsciousness has the upper hand.  The…

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